


Grey is not a creative color

by OmoshiroiKea



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, My First Fanfic, Sad Adam, damn i love them, my boys - Freeform, poor adam he didnt deserve that, really - Freeform, very supportive eric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:32:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmoshiroiKea/pseuds/OmoshiroiKea
Summary: Adam is back, after so long and losing hope, and Eric has no idea what to do. His Adam has lost all spark and now he has to figure out how to make him happy, even if he just gets a single smile out of him.More chapters to come :D





	1. Chapter 1

His heart stopped for a moment. Well, maybe for a couple moments, he just couldn’t believe what was in front of him. He was just getting out of class, going to meet Otis and Maeve for the clinic, because they wanted him there even though they never said so, when he saw Mr. Groff’s office door open. Adam was there. His Adam. The Adam he could not get out of his mind for over six months. Six fucking months. It wasn’t enough for his father to send him away what was left of schoolyear, but he also had to send him off to some summer camp God-knows-where. He was certain that he would never see him again.  
He couldn’t stop staring. Not that it mattered, Adam was still facing the opposite direction and Mr. Groff was too busy checking that any signs of rebellion and disappointment had been eradicated from his son. Which, by the way, they were. At least that was what Eric thought when Adam finally stepped out of the office, barely looking at him, instead just going straight for the bathroom door. Mr. Groff watched him go with a face full of pride. Eric wanted to slap him.  
He felt the urge to go after him, to ask him about what happened, but couldn’t. He just froze there. Again. Incapable of moving, almost unable to breathe, just like the day Adam had been taken away against his own will. He remembered that day as if he was living it all over again; he’d been recalling it everyday for over six months now.  
He felt like a terrible person, like an egoist when he couldn’t help but thank God that his parents weren’t like that. Otis was right sometimes, he did turn things onto himself. But he had to stop that thought right now. He couldn’t blame himself for being grateful for his life, and he had to do something to get his life back in control.  
When Adam got taken away, he was fine at first. They even exchanged a couple letters, but one day he received one he wasn’t expecting. It came early, which Adam’s letter did not, they usually came at mail services last hours. But that didn’t unsettle him. What did strike him was the envelope: neat, crème colored (not white as the others he had received from Mountview) and sealed with an Uncle Sam sticker. “WE WANT YOU” it read. Yeah, and Eric wanted them to go fuck themselves, but there was no use saying that to a sticker. He held the letter, written with a typewriter, with shaking hands. His father came out, looking for him.  
“Eric, are you alright? You’ve been out here for almost five minutes” he said, putting his hand on his son’s left shoulder.  
“Yeah dad, I’m okay. I’m going to my room for a little while now. I’m fine, I promise” he smiled at his father, who nod and went inside with Eric. His room was suddenly too quiet; he needed some noise to balance out the pounding sound in his ears. He sat down at his desk and took a deep breath before he started reading.  
Mr. Effiong,  
We inform you that Adam Groff has had his letter exchange rights suspended for either behavioral issues or for a parent/guardian’s petition.  
Sergeant Waterson  
Mountview Facility  
He read it again. It was incredibly short and went straight to the point, but that only made it so much worse. Did Adam get into a fight and that was why he couldn’t send him letters anymore? It had only been a month, there were still at least four more to go. How was he supposed to keep going until summer vacation like this? A much worse question arose: had his father had something to do with it. The letter said a guardian could ask for it. Eric knew Mr. Groff was scum, but was he such a soulless bastard? He most definitively was.  
That was when he had started to have trouble sleeping. He’d also had some issues with his concentration, but Otis managed to help him with his studies. His insomnia got better at the end of the schoolyear, with the proximity of summer vacation his hopes were high, and his sleep improved. And then came the news, from Aimee, who seemed to know everything about every Moordale student: Adam wasn’t coming back for summer.  
He was sent to some other, much father away facility to finish with his reconditioning. That was the word his father used when he sent in the application form. And so, two months and a half went by, and the next schoolyear begun. And all without hearing, or reading, a single word from Adam.  
And now there he was, fully clothed in a grey, hideously boring outfit, perfectly designed to blend in, never drawing any attention. He hated that. But what he hated even more was the look on Adam’s face. Lonely, sad, defeated, beaten. All hidden behind a seriously neutral façade.  
He had been thinking for way too long, just staring at the headteacher’s door, when he realized he did have to go to class. He hurried up and before he could realize he was already sitting down next to a perpetually empty seat. But it wasn’t empty. And he was in science class. Eric couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it all, but he didn’t have the courage to look to his right, at the grey reproduction of what once was Adam Groff.  
The class ended as soon as it started, or at least that’s what he thought, and he didn’t even notice the bell ring, announcing the end of the day. Otis came bouncing to him.  
“Hey, you still up for the tournament?” he asked, bubbly.  
“Uh… what?”  
“The tournament. The Mario Kart 8 tournament” and then, more worriedly “You okay Eric? You seem, I don’t know, Kind of out of it”.  
“Not here” Eric answered with a sigh. And so, they went to Otis’ to talk about Eric’s increasingly anxious behavior. When they got home, Otis served him a cup of tea, and he began to speak as he relaxed.  
“Adam’s back” was all he had to say. Otis’ eyes flashed open, and he began to mouth something he couldn’t quite articulate. “I thought, well damn, we all thought he would never come back, and now he’s here and he looks so… I don’t know, dead inside.” He felt his best mate’s hand on his shoulder (what is it with the shoulder thing these days?) as he finally dared to speak.  
“And what are you gonna do?”  
“Well, I have to talk to him. I don’t think it’s gonna be easy, but I’ve gotta.”


	2. Chapter 2

Adam was a shadow. Eric watched him roam around Moordale, attending his classes diligently, never once raising his voice or picking up a fight. Never standing out, forever blending in. He felt sick. A part of him was glad they got rid of one of the school’s most prominent bullies, but the rest of him felt wrong. He’d always known something seriously fucked up was going on with Adam, the root of the problem obviously going back to his own home. That’s why he’d been scared of his pushing and threatening, but never been scared of him. And now, now he was scared for him.  
He’d been trying to figure out how to talk to him (for almost three weeks now), but it seemed impossible. When he wasn’t in class, he was either jogging around training grounds (with Jackson always struggling behind him) or nodding obediently at his father’s words. It was unsettling to watch.  
Somethings didn’t change. Adam still didn’t have friends, and people still avoided him in the hallways. It did make him look lonely before, but now, with that firm, composed walk and straight look, it made him look completely alienated, separated by invisible walls from the world around him. They had to talk, but he hadn’t gathered enough courage yet to corner him. Thankfully, he knew someone who wasn’t easily scared off.  
“Maeve!” he called, walking towards her. She was leaning against a wall, with Aimee in front of her, talking about something her ice-cream cone shaped boyfriend said. “I need help.”  
She puffed out the smoke she had just inhaled. “Why don’t you ask Otis? And if this has something to do with love/sex life imma charge you. You ain’t part of the clinic, you know?”  
Eric looked at her, a smile forming in the corner of his mouth. “Actually, I was going to ask you to leave me to talk to Aimee. Get off that high horse girl” he laughed.  
“Oh, shit, sorry” she apologized, butting her cigarette against the wall, and then walking away. “See you later then.” Aimee waved at her and looked back at Eric while sitting down on the floor, her back against the wall.  
“You wanna talk about Adam?” she asked in the most natural way. Eric’s face went hot with embarrassment. He swore this girl had a superpower. How else would she know everything that happened at school?  
“Um… yeah? I mean, yes, yes I do.”  
She stared at him. “Go on.” He looked at her, open mouthed. He didn’t know what to say. Should he just blurt it out? Yeah, I’m worried about the guy who used to bully me nonstop because his father is an asshole, and I also like him, a lot, so that’s that. Hell to the no. But he wasn’t going to go around it either. Shit.  
“I want to talk to him.”  
“Then do so, he doesn’t bite. Not anymore” she replied. “What are you so scared of, anyways?”  
Well shit, that was a good question. She was right; if he hadn’t been scared, he would have probably already confronted Adam. But he was scared, he realized. What of? Was he sacred of Adam pushing him around again, using violence against him once more? No, that wasn’t it. He was scared of the new Adam, the Adam that seemed like it’d had forgotten about life, about joy, about him. He was going to be rejected for sure; that’s what scared him. Then, a thought occurred to him.  
“Do you actually know everything about everyone here?”  
“Well, I know lots of stuff, but I wouldn’t say I know everything.”  
“What kind of stuff do you know?” he pried. There were more important things to talk about, but he couldn’t help being a gossip lover.  
“I know what happened in the music room” she stated plainly. And back to the main topic. “What are you afraid of?”  
“Shit, I have Otis to therapize me” he snorted. She didn’t seem to care about his tone too much. “I’m scared he will reject me.” Aimee got up and looked at him, dead in the eye.  
“He won’t. Trust me, he won’t. That’s why he answered to your letters, after all” and then she picked up her bag and left.  
Okay, how in the hell did this girl know about the letters? She should work for the FBI or something. But really, her sources and info were always reliable, so did Adam really care about him? He did before, but now, after they brainwashed him or whatever they did to him there, would he still care? The thought of him not even looking at Eric once ever again ached. He would talk to Adam, and he had to do it before he lost what little nerve he had managed to build up. Now all he had to do was find Adam and get him somewhere private so they could talk.  
He begun his search immediately after telling Otis he wouldn’t be available for hanging out that afternoon, and he asked him to give him a call if he saw Adam. No more information needed. If he was a prying idiot, then Otis was a prying god, although he wouldn’t admit it ever. He wondered through the cafeteria and searched in every hallway, but he found nothing. Maybe Adam had been moving around school. Just in case, he walked the same route again, but still no sign of Adam. He felt all of his bravery draining out of him and went straight to the assembly hall. It was basically always empty, and he had been going there to think for a little under two years. His feet dragged him there whenever he felt like falling apart under the stress, and it had been one of his safe spaces. Even Tim, the cleaning guy, knew how to fulfill his duty there without disturbing the young boy, sometimes even offering him a couple words of encouragement.  
That was probably why he didn’t expect the tall teen he was looking for sitting in one of the central row chairs. He looked lost as he quietly stared down at his hands. He didn’t even hear Eric coming in or approaching him. Eric just stood there for a second, taking in the view of Adam’s tired face, finally showing some kind of emotion. He walked slowly towards him and sat down beside him. Adam didn’t seem to notice, for they stayed just like that for a couple minutes before the silence was broken. But it wasn’t Eric who talked first.  
“I missed you” Adam whispered softly, and Eric did something he definitively did not expect: panic. He was so sure that he was going to be rejected his head couldn’t process the words that just came out of Adam’s mouth. He stared for a while that seemed to him like an eternity. Adam’s face has softened, and his body had become limp. He was truly exhausted. Eric thought about comforting him, but the part of his brain that listened to what he wanted to do had shut down. Instead, he said nothing and left. He didn’t know what type of face he was making then, but it must have been bad, because he clearly saw Adam’s hope fade away in a second. He felt terrible, mentally and physically. He went to the bathroom and puked out his anxiety. At least part of it.


	3. Chapter 3

What the fuck was he doing? Fucking everything up, that’s what he was doing. He swiped his mouth with a piece of toilet paper and flushed it down. He stared at the wall, reflecting on what had happened a few moments ago. Adam was probably still sitting in the assembly hall, so he may have a chance to fix everything. His breathing had steadied, and his hands had stopped trembling. He got out of the stall and checked himself in the mirror. His makeup was a bit smudged, but other than that, he looked normal. Nor great, but not bad either.   
He walked the hallway again, and went into the assembly hall, but Adam wasn’t there anymore. Classes ended in about fifteen minutes and he had already skipped one today looking for Adam, but he didn’t bother going to the rest of his English class. Instead, he checked every empty room in Moordale, knowing Adam probably hadn’t gone to his last class either. At least he hoped so, he wasn’t spending another minute like this if he could avoid it. It was ironic, but in the end, he did find Adam. He was sitting on the floor, his back against a wall and his knees up to his chest. In the music room. How fucking lucky, as if he wasn’t nervous enough.   
He came in in the same way he had in the assembly hall, slowly and silently, but this time Adam did notice him the minute he stepped foot in the room. He looked even more miserable now, and it hurt Eric. 

“Hey” he said, but Adam kept looking down. Eric fiddled a bit with he insides of his hoodie’s pockets. He decided it was better to just get on with it and do it. Shia LeBeouf would have been proud of him. Still, he froze, his mind only screaming Apologize Eric, apologize now at him. 

“I’m sorry” Adam mumbled. Eric was even more confused. He was the one who ran away mid-confession-kind-of-moment. He sat down next to him, keeping a seven-inch distance in between them, out of respect, not wanting to be too close as to invade Adam’s privacy. 

“What are you sorry for? I’m the one who freaked out and left without a word, you did nothing wrong” he said softly, as if he were talking to a scared reindeer. Adam, who until that moment had had his face in his hands, looked up at Eric, but wasn’t able to maintain eye contact for long, so instead he ended up looking at the wall in front of them. 

“I wasn’t talking about that. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done. Not only to you, but to everyone. I’m so sorry” he finished with a sigh, taking his face in his hands again. Eric put his hand on Adam’s shoulder (now he was doing it, huh?) and rubbed small circles with his thumb.

“I know, Adam. I know you are. But I am too, I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

“It’s only natural, after all. How is anyone expected to react when a guy who they hate says he missed them? It’s fine, I just wanted to apologize, I don’t know why I said what I said. I mean, I do know why I said it, but I shouldn’t have. Sorry” he said with a defeated tone. Eric had wanted to jump in, but couldn’t, so he just let Adam finish. It took him a second to process everything.

“Okay, let’s get things straight. Well, not straight, you know what I mean” he laughed nervously. What the shit was he saying? He took a deep breath. “Adam, look at me” he shifted his touch on Adam’s arm to make him react. Adam tore his eyes from the wall and looked at him properly for the first time in months. Eric’s heart melted a bit. “I don’t hate you. You may have been an asshole, yes, but I never once hated you. Not then, not now. And I missed you too.” 

Adam looked at him in the eye, filling him with a warm feeling he had never felt before. But he did nothing more than close the gap between them, their thighs touching just like they did in science class. He rested his head on the wall and let out a big sigh of relief. Eric moved his hand down Adam’s arm and held his hand. It was tentative at first, not knowing if Adam would accept hand-holding just yet, but his hand was greeted by the firm sensation of being held carefully. The bell rang, but they couldn’t be bothered. They stayed inside the classroom in silence, listening to the rest of Moordale get ready to leave the building, caressing each other’s hands tenderly. It made Eric’s chest flutter. For once, he was glad Adam was Mr. Groff’s son, because it meant he didn’t have to go home immediately after school ended, and also, they had been coming and going to school together in Mr. Groff’s car lately. It was probably not what Adam would rather do; it spared him a bicycle ride that he could use to feel free. He wasn’t even allowed that. 

“Why don’t you?” Adam asked, breaking the silence.

“Huh?”

“Why don’t you hate me? You have every reason to do so. In fact, you should hate me, it’d do you good.” Okay, now Eric was mad.

“How would hating you do me any good?” he said, some spite in his voice, but in reality, he was just very concerned. How much did you have to hate yourself to think others are better off hating you too? He wasn’t letting Adam go further into that black pit.

“You are too bright, too good. I would only kill whatever spark there is in you. I don’t want anyone to feel what I feel” he answered. His voice was trebling. Oh, he’s trying not to cry Eric thought. “I would hate to see you become as colorless as me.” That was all it took for Eric to take Adam in his arms in a tight hug, and that was all it took for Adam to let go. His whole body shivered as he cried silently into Eric’s neck, and Eric could only rub his back and tell him sweet nothings and words of encouragement. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine. You’re okay, you hear me Adam? You’re fine, I’ve got you. You’re not alone anymore” he whispered against Adam’s ear until he stopped crying and his breathing evened out. Then, they separated, and Eric took Adm’s face in his hands, his cheeks hot and still humid. He stroked them softly before closing the distance between them with a kiss. It wasn’t like the ones they had previously shared in that same room. Sure, those were gentle, but also needy and desperate. This was caring and reassuring, slow and overwhelming. Eric wished it would go on forever. They both did. When they broke apart, Adam did something he hadn’t done more than maybe four times in six months. He smiled. And it was genuine, the most beautiful and pure thing Eric had ever seen. He had needed that, they both had.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very, very short chapter, too short for such a long time since last post

In the end, Eric went home a few minutes after that, due to Mr. Groff having set a schedule for every single thing Adam did. When he walked down the hallways, got on his bike and started riding, Adam was beside him, and watched him go home with a sad face. He looked like a puppy, honestly. Eric felt lightweight in his bike, the air hitting his face and freedom filling his lungs. He was so happy he could scream.

He hadn’t been forgotten, he hadn’t been rejected. It felt so incredibly good to be alive.

Adam wasn’t so ecstatic, though. He waited for his father to finish closing the doors, the important ones, his office, the pool’s and the gym’s, and followed him through the school, his mind absent. Before he could notice, he was already in the car, in the front seat, next to his father. He hadn’t been allowed to seat there ever, only now, after his _reconditioning_ his father called it. He hated that word, but now he realized not only how much he hated his father, but how much he was like Lemongrab. Man, he loved that show, Adventure Time. When he used to watch it he usually hoped he could be like Shelby, just a happy little worm who’d only come out whenever he wanted, whenever he felt safe. He didn’t think he remembered the last time he felt truly safe. He also really liked violins.

His father started the engine and then drove home, in silence, as always, sometimes looking at him sideways. His looks were still cold, they hurt like freeze bites, but there wasn’t disgust or disappointment in his eyes. At least not as much. They got home in 15 long minutes. Adam liked going home now, his mother always greeted him with a hug now. He didn’t really know why she did it. It may have been pity, or pride, or just love, but he went with sadness. His mother poured herself into every single one of those hugs, and he thought she was trying to calm his inner turmoil, trying to comfort him, finally, after imagining everything he must have been through at military school and at home, with his dad. Adam appreciated the effort, but she was late. He didn’t want to blame her, but part of him did.

Sometimes he thought his mother knew everything: his self-hatred, his continuous anger, his lack of friends, his bisexuality and the insane amount of nights he had cried himself to sleep. She knew. And still, she didn’t do a thing.

He got in, received his daily hug, kissed her on the cheek and went upstairs to his bedroom. He left his bag next to his desk, which he now used to study, and laid in bed. He closed his eyes and saw Eric, smiling at him, full of joy. His chest ached at the view. He had to stop it now, before he bleached the colors out of Eric’s life. It was for the best, for both of them. Well, not really, who was he kidding, it wouldn’t be the best for him, but Eric could only gain from staying away from him. He was a failure, a waste of air. His father was right. “Tomorrow” he thought “it’ll be over”.

His decision had him devastated, so he told his mother he wouldn’t have dinner, that he wasn’t feeling too well, and told them both goodnight. He cried and hoped that Eric wouldn’t hate him as he murmured “sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry” all over until he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so two short chapters in a day, that's a first.  
> Hope you enjoy

Morning came too soon for Adam. He hadn’t really slept much, and he wasn’t feeling well at all. He could easily skip school today, he knew he could. He had been so diligent with his studies lately, that he could just tell his parents he wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school today. That same strategy wouldn’t have worked before, but now that he had become a little soldier, now his wellbeing did kind of matter to his parents, to his father, his mother always cared, but she couldn’t show it. He did seriously think about it, but if he did, he would lose his newly found courage to turn Eric down. Well, he wouldn’t really turn him down if they hadn’t really talked about anything. What kind of relationship did they really have? They weren’t friends. Certainly not lovers. Not partners. Not boyfriends. Not fuckbuddies. Not anything. Then, what does he even have to turn down?

The future, that’s it. He cannot let this go on for any longer. He would end up staining Eric’s life. He made the decision right then; he was cutting him out of his life.

He got up tiredly and checked the time. He still had almost an hour, so he showered, taking his time, massaging his scalp and feeling his hair and its slow growth. When he got out, he still had about thirty-five minutes left. He got dressed and stared at himself in the mirror. So boring. His clothes were all the same now. He never had a wide variety of clothes before, but now everything was the same color. It wasn’t even a color, of was more of a tone. The tone of dust covered ruins. Like himself. Now it seemed fitting.

He gathered everything he needed for school and went downstairs for breakfast. He gave his mother a quick peck on the cheek and had very little breakfast. His mother eyed him once or twice but said nothing. When they were done, he and his father left in silence, as always. He commented on his sleep deprived face, which surprised Adam, but they didn’t talk about anything else.

They got to school and, once inside, went on their separate ways.

His day went on normally, and with every minute that passed, his anxiety grew bigger and bigger. When his classes had ended, and the bell rang, he knew he had to go to the room where it all started. He knew he would find Eric there, and he didn’t want to. It hurt. It hurt him so much.

He stared at the music room’s door, hoping that if he stared hard enough, Eric may not be inside already, sitting on one of the chairs or pacing around the room. But he knew that wasn’t the case. He took in a deep breath and opened the door with a shaky hand.

As he stepped in his shaking only got worse, reaching critical point as he saw Eric, pacing like in one of his predictions. Shit, his breathing was getting erratic. It was his time to panic now.

Eric, too deep in his own happiness and disbelief, didn’t notice right away Adam’s state. He didn’t realize until he got close to him, his smile, which he had worn non-stop since the day before, fading away with every laborious breath Adam exhaled. He saw then, how Adam was eyeing the door, how he was ready to run, how much he wanted whatever that was to be over.

“Adam what’s wrong?” he asked, coming closer, slowly, and since Adam didn’t flinch or move away, caressing his cheek. It was too sweet for Adam, he couldn’t help but sigh.

“Stop that please”.

“Stop what?” Eric said, confused.

“Everything. Being nice and getting happy because of me and shit… Just, stop please” he finished with a single tear he had very hardly tried to keep in rolling down his face. Eric looked at him with a sympathetic expression which Adam did not understand. His answer was brief.

“No” he said and leaned in to brush his lips against Adam’s.

“I don’t want this”.

“Don’t lie to me Adam”.

“I’ll hurt you, I always do”.

“I won’t let you” he reassured.

“This is over, Eric” he sighed. “Please, let it be over” he sobbed. Eric took his hand and squeezed it.

“It isn’t, and you know it” he finished, and all of Adam’s resolve to end things with Eric vanished. They were so incredibly close, so instead of imagining what it would be like to lean in and kiss Eric, he did it, and it was glorious.


End file.
